Log in

No account? Create an account
02 October 2006 @ 10:48 pm
[Detective Conan] Raindrops - one shot  
Title: Raindrops (also at ff.net here)
Fandom: Detective Conan
Rating: PG/K when or if I post to ff.net
Length: 1,097 words
Disclaimer: It's not mine.
Warnings: Know Haibara? Good. Otherwise, no specific spoilers.
Summary: Because those raindrops, they can be so much like herself sometimes. Haibara-centric.

Not a fake cut to ff.net, for once. But it's also up at ff.net here, if that's your fancy.


. : .

...have you ever found yourself just looking at the sky?

. : .

Sometimes, before she can catch herself, she watches the rain.

It’s a pointless activity, one that wastes what time she could be spending on figuring out things like the antidote and ways to take down the Black Organization and how to leave everything behind when it’s all over. Those things. But yet again, she’s resting her arms against the windowsill, watching the spot where the sky falls to the ground, thinking. Because people always find themselves thinking and she’s a person too, just as flesh-and-blood as the rest of them whether it feels like it or not.

This time, she’s pondering the droplets’ fate. How they’re destined to do nothing but fall and splatter against the rough ground, to go out with a splash, to be forgotten before they’re even noticed.

She thinks about that fact, and wonders. And marvels, because she and those raindrops, they can be so similar sometimes. Because she can find a dark black bleak metaphor in anything, from sunshine (cancer) to candy canes and marshmallows (teeth and cavities and rot) to babies (look at what they grow into). Because after a certain point, one doesn’t really need to try to connect water to floods, research into poison, life into death – it’s like thinking ‘home’ and inevitably picturing it, like thinking ‘living’ and ‘family’ and ‘love’ and ‘dying’ –

And all those things.

Raindrops hit concrete black tops at astonishing speeds like translucent bullets before they burst into clusters of molecules, sliding down with gravity.


Sometimes, before she can catch herself, she’s laughing with everyone else.

The children, the Detective Boys, the professor, everyone. With Kudo, too, though it’s usually at him and not with him yet with him, in that sense. It’s not something she can quite put into words, only feelings and motions and habit.

The kids go with the flow, soaking up every bit of joy that they come across during the days. She kind of envies them, kind of doesn’t. She can even see the tragic things in that kind of a life, the life she probably wished for so much, the life she’ll never have, the life she’s still not sure she’ll ever want.

The life that’s really pointless to think about.

They like to jump in puddles, Ayumi especially. Much to the chagrin of the boys, somewhat, but the girl’s laughter and smiles pulls them into the water like the moon pulls upon the sea, and soon they’re all sopping wet and feeling the rain on their faces.

Kudo was the one who pulled her along with him first. The others didn’t dare try, but it wasn’t as though she could’ve stayed mad at any of them for long. Not that she’d say anything to reassure them otherwise.

Because she doesn’t encourage people. Doesn’t encourage kids to latch on, monsters to bite, evil men to smile in black, guns to aim, load, and fire.

Beams of sunlight reflect off of colors and houses and life, and then the sun sets and everything is awash in dark, dark black, with a few tinges of gray.


Sometimes, before she can catch herself, she shivers.

A member of the Black Organization might be standing right behind her, and at this point, she’s not sure if that bolt of fear she’s always expected will even come to warn her, as if even fear has forsaken her. Instead, chills run down her spine from the slightest movement of anything around her, paranoia filling in for the instinct she lost that was caused by soft living.

She’s a girl running away from shadows that chase shadows in the darkness, a girl who always looks over her shoulders twice over the left and twice over the right.

Because no one runs away from the Black Organization. No one. She was the first, and she’ll be the last.

Snowflakes grow and shrink with each layer of the atmosphere they fall through, melting and freezing and forming complicated little patterns of intricacy and ice and deadly jagged shards.

And then, they melt. Because, for all their dangerous beauty, they’re not invulnerable, not invincible. And neither is she.


Sometimes, before she can catch herself, her thoughts stray towards Kudo.

And really, it’s just out of habit, because for all of his superb detective skills, he can be – and is, usually – such an idiot. Which means he needs someone with more than common sense to stand out of sight behind him, appearing when he needs a jolt to remind him that even he’s not infallible.

Because geniuses make mistakes.

She should know. And does.

She’s not sure why she’s stayed here this long. Really, she could argue that she has no obligation whatsoever to create his antidote. She could also argue that staying with him, growing closer to him in the kind of closer that she knows is only one-sided – and it’s not even because of his denseness, this time – is something between toxin and anathema for her.

Death, she can take. Everyone close to her has already died. But the other option, not living, but simply moving on and moving away and moving between the two, that she isn’t sure she can handle. Can even imagine.

She’s not really a people person. But lab bottles and beakers make poor substitutions for flesh-and-blood companions, carbon and bromide incomparable stand-ins for the living and the knowing and the breathing and the alive, and she knows this. She knows this, and that’s the problem.

The earth slowly poisons itself, an unconsciously extra-toxic kind of poison in its flourish as it turns on its axis, waxing and waning and fading and failing.

As she knows, she can create a synaesthetic dark metaphor out of anything. And she doesn’t even have to put her mind to it.


Sometimes she’s contemplative, sometimes she’s morose. More often than not, she waxes dark poetics with the clichés and the flowery phrases.

Sometimes she’s happy, sometimes she’s sad. Always, she’s paranoid, a little scared, a little haunted. Not that she’ll tell.

Sometimes, before she can catch herself, she watches the rain.

The world’s oceans absorb raindrops, glasses overflow at the brim and tumblers fall down from the loaded weight, and the word futility always comes to mind.

She doesn’t need to entertain her metaphors to know it’s true, and pours a glass until the water tips over the edge and cascades down, down, down.



So yes, I gotta say, this definitely isn’t my normal style. Dunno how it came about, either. It just…did? Yeah. That’s all the explanation I have.

And it’s pretty obvious that Haibara’s my favorite. But as to if I get her voice down, well, I’ll never know. And there’s no point to these author’s notes, is there.

Major thanks to Dex for doing the editing despite not knowing the series and catching all these crazy scary errors, and a huge, huge thank you to Rika, who read it in earlier the writing circle and loved it and her comments made me go “zomg” and helped, and…yeah. Maybe I’ll post to ff.net later, depending. The Pit does need more Haibara fic, so. Hm. Yeah. Damn, I hate figuring out where to post and show things. Still not sure about joining more DC comms.

Comments and reviews are appreciated too. Really appreciated. :)
our hopes and expectations: contentcontent
black holes and revelations: Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik/Firefly in the background
( let's conspire to ignite )
Raerae00 on October 2nd, 2006 11:00 pm (UTC)
Beautiful in a dark, serious, contemplative way - the best way.

You'll know if you're getting her voice down, because I'll tell you right now: you are. Or rather, because this is third person, you're capturing her character from a third person perspective - so it's not really a matter of voice at all. But you've captured her character perfectly, yes.

Favorite line/phrase (humor): "...babies (look at what they grow into)..."
" " (serious): "Because she doesn’t encourage people. Doesn’t encourage kids to latch on, monsters to bite, evil men to smile in black, guns to aim, load, and fire."

A couple suggestions to improve this piece:
1) Post to FF.net
2) Join Aicoholics and post there, too.

Sidenote: Is that Raine in your avatar?

P.S. My post has gotten all organized and choppy in a weird way. O_o Oh, well.
a regular decorated emergency.: under the moonlightdarkenedsakura on October 3rd, 2006 04:21 am (UTC)
Wow, thanks. Getting reassured over characterization is something I can never have too much of. *sweatdrops* And ahaha, yes, we all know what babies grow into. Glad you picked up that line.

XD;;;; Okay, the ff.net one is easier, but hm. Comms. I was actually glancing at manycases1truth, but...yeah. I wish my mind could just settle on something and not be so damn indecisive. And then Aicoholics. Hm. Okay fine maybe I'll join at least one or both I feel so bad about spamming and there's more to come

Duuuude, you recognize her? Finally, I've found someone that knows ToS :O (!!) How much of the series do you know? Man, I love that game. I might be looking for a beta for characterization, if you'd be interested. But it's okay.

Erm, I got sidetracked. Whoops. Anyway, thanks for the comment, and maybe you'll see me hovering in more comms soon, haha.
Raerae00 on October 3rd, 2006 04:55 am (UTC)
No problem. Babies? They grow into grey-furred little things with beady eyes and flexible tails which-whoops, wrong size, sorry.


Oh, never mind the other comms. Just join the merry band of drunken brothers sisters who hang out in Sherlock forest, steal from the wordy and give to the silent. Or something like that. *needs more sleep*

Yeah, I recognize her - she's my favorite after Sheena. (Or whichever romanization you prefer.) As for how much of it - well, I played the game at least five times through and racked up an impressive (or pathetic) 200+ hours of gametime. I think I can help. XD

You're welcome. Even if you don't, keep writing! At least I'll get to see it. *grins* [/selective selfishness] [/new disease]
a regular decorated emergency.: in the darkdarkenedsakura on October 3rd, 2006 06:15 am (UTC)
Size or species? :D

Done, posted. It's all your fault, just remember that. D:

Dude, exactly the same as me. Well, hm, after Sheena I like Kratos and Presea more, then Raine. But close enough. I'm finishing my 3rd playthrough for completion so I can finally choose the Sheena ending, but...no time, arrrgh. But heh, thanks. I'll send over a batch - they're just drabbles, and they're not very good at that and I really need new premises for a lot of them, but. Uh, yes.

Ahaha, as long as it doesn't make your eyes bleed, I'm fine with that. XD
Raerae00 on October 3rd, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
When they first come out, they all look much the same. XD

Er...I don't know you?...*snaps fingers* Didn't work. Fine, fine, I take responsibility. Unless you break something or tick someone off. Especially on purpose. And then they'll hang you from the ceiling from your thumbnails and I'll watch and laugh. Just be glad I wouldn't participate. >)

Kratos is awesome, but the problem is that way too many people have a thing for Kratos, and I've always hated liking the mainstream whatever-it-is. Presea's cool too, but...*shrugs* I'm running out of ideas here. Y'know what, I'm going to set it up this way: Sheena first, and then these three on the same level. Regal's in there somewhere, Lloyd's incredible cheesy but I like fighting with him best (who doesn't like quick, frontline attackers with twin katanas?), and Colette is on the bottom. Or through the floor. Can you tell I don't like her?

I'm sure I'll be fine. If not, I'll make sure to send you the hospital bill. Or a postmortem lawsuit. XD
a regular decorated emergency.: ToS - Sheenadarkenedsakura on October 4th, 2006 05:16 am (UTC)
I'd be afraid if a baby croc looked like a baby human.

Me, break something on purpose? That'd be stupid. :O

Really? Way more people like Zelos (and possibly Yuan) than Kratos. Hm, I also dislike Colette the most. And Genis and Zelos, I don't really think about. I must be one of the only few who is truly and completely indifferent to Zelos. So wow, our favorites are...pretty much the same. Neat.

Don't send the lawsuit, I am but a poor, slaving high school student and the company would never cover those fees. XD
Raerae00 on October 4th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC)
It's true that for some reason Yuan and "Yggy" have more fans than the main characters. Zelos...I don't know about him. In fact, it'd be more accurate to say I don't care about him. Looks like I'm another of that 'few'. XD

The only time I really noticed him as something other than "Sheena's Miroku" (tell me you know what I'm talking about...) was the little mini!arc about his sister. And then I paid attention to him for all of five minutes - "Hey, maybe Zelos isn't so bad. *Zelos does/says something stupid* ...Or maybe he is."

Genis I actually like. Sort of. My only problem with Genis is that they try rather too hard to make you like him. More cheesiness. I suppose that's what he gets for having the corniest person in the universe for a best friend...(Though I have to give Lloyd some credit for that line in the Wind Temple as they're leaving and Sheena shows up. D'you remember that one?)

No? I'd make sure to haunt you at least, then.

a regular decorated emergency.: CSI - Nick Stokesdarkenedsakura on October 5th, 2006 03:19 am (UTC)
Whoaaaaa, don't say that. That'd imply that there's something romantic between the two, because there's not. D: Well, I heard that they probably were involved before the start of the game, but it's over now, and...yeah, I'm incredibly averse to Zelos/Sheena. Or Lloyd/Colette. I mean, hello, this is a game where you can pick from 8 people as your soulmate, yet the game rigs it for Colette? That just isn't right. And besides, their kids would have some...serious mental deficiencies. XD

Have you played the game with the Kratos path/ending yet?

I like Genis and Raine's interactions, and it's amusing to see him square off with Zelos, but other than that I don't really notice him all that much. And nope, don't remember the line. Geh.
bek: alex riderbiases on October 2nd, 2006 11:47 pm (UTC)
I liked it then and I like it now, even though I have no idea what it's about, really. :P

We'll go through your TOS stuff tonight (I'll be home before 10pm this time, unlike last night which is why I was so tired!) and then you can post that too. :D

Also, I have an idea for the rec comm - I think we should add another tag to entries, either "oneshot" or "chaptered fic", since a lot of people like to search by those genre-things too. I know sometimes I'm in the mood for a oneshot, whereas other times I want to sit down with a nice long story. What do you think?
a regular decorated emergency.: Samdarkenedsakura on October 3rd, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. And especially for being the amazing beta like whoa, too. :O And haha, after the ToS thing, there's the 30 kisses batch (though I haven't written any new ones since 20, so now I'm all out and I really will have to write some, ack, and I wanted to revise some of the old ones too XD). And then, the two pieces on Sam and I might've started a Firefly fic, and...my schoolwork had better slow down this month, damnit.

I knew there was a reason I wanted to run the comm with you, besides the whole taste in fic thing. Good idea, didn't think of that. Should we call it "multipart" or "chaptered"? Either way, you can start tagging whenever and I'll update the list. :D
bek: housebiases on October 4th, 2006 02:19 pm (UTC)
Dude, I've been waiting for you to come back all night and now I have to go to bed. Guess what I watched today? (Hint, look at the icon :P)

You know how you're all Mal/Inara and I was like, "Dude, River?!"

Well, in House, you know how you're all Chase/Cameron? I have to slither away now because I like House/Cameron.


I'm only four eps into it, but I should get through most of season 1 tomorrow. Season 2 isn't out on dvd here so I'm going to try and borrow it from a friend, and if not, I'll have to download it really slowly.

We'll go through your TOS stuff tomorrow? My puter died hardcore last night so I couldn't get back on. Oh, and I watched Supernatural as well, so I'm up to date with that.

I've also changed the tags for all my entries at the rec comm, and I've made them 'oneshot' and 'multipart'. So it's all waiting for you when you get back from whatever awesome thing you're doing.

Talk soon!
a regular decorated emergency.: Inaradarkenedsakura on October 4th, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
Haha, you're flitting from fandom to fandom so fast. XD And damn, I don't get why we so far don't really seem to share the same amount of great love for a single pairing! Or character, sometimes. It makes no sense since we're completely in sync with anime dude/ttes. O.o

Funky stuff.

And remember when I say this: go easy on the poor characters during the Escapade of sorts. I really like ep 1x12 Cursed, though, and maybe it'll give Chase the depth you're looking for. Hopefully. Meh. And after I watched season one I did scrounge around for House/Cam, because it felt pretty okay at the time, but after season two I just completely lost interest. Yeah, I dunno. I'm going to have to figure out in words why I'm not really keen on the pair.

Oh, forgot about that. Yeah, sure no problem. I'm still working out little things in the drabbles, and some of the ones I'm making longer actually are better for it, so.

I forgot to tell you, but you can tag all entries in the comm, mine included. You just can't edit them. But I've updated all of mine in the meantime. XD

Space Captain Zurabethjuneaddams on October 3rd, 2006 09:05 am (UTC)
Gives you a standing ovation and bows*

I really do not know what else to say. My fingers are still trembling right now as a type this post.

Beautiful. This is undoubtedly one of the best fics I ever read. And not just in DC fandom.
a regular decorated emergency.: Camerondarkenedsakura on October 3rd, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC)
Wow, your comment blows me away. I'm really flattered, but man, I'm sure there are loads more amazing fics out there than this one. *laughs* Thank you, I'm glad you really liked it :)
randomaicoholicrandomaicoholic on October 3rd, 2006 10:52 am (UTC)
I trully love this, you trully captur eour little Ai-chan with those few lines...
Melancholic, sarcastic, pessimistic but with sometimes few hope, unsure for herself but determined to put some common sense into Kudo's head, cynical but kind...
Well, and I love contemplative one-shot which just explore character view of th world so...^^
Oh and by the way, welcome to our asylum..hem...comm of fan(atics) of Ai chan...;)
a regular decorated emergency.: have you ever looked at the starsdarkenedsakura on October 3rd, 2006 02:41 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks. The thing I was most worried about after I read what I wrote was if Haibara was still, you know, in the writing, amidst the funky style and everything. So I'm glad it worked out.

Heh, hopefully I'll be more than an inactive member XD;;;
chitsukichitsuki on October 3rd, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
I like it. =) I think it's a really good piece of introspection into Haibara's character, and just the right length: long enough to capture Ai's thoughts and personality, short enough that it doesn't start to bore someone because introspection, with nothing happening except thoughts, are hard to draw out into a lengthy piece. Also, I like this line:

And really, it’s just out of habit, because for all of his superb detective skills, he can be – and is, usually – such an idiot. Which means he needs someone with more than common sense to stand out of sight behind him, appearing when he needs a jolt to remind him that even he’s not infallible.

Because it's so true. XDXD Especially coming from Ai. Great job on it. =)
a regular decorated emergency.: Inara - :)darkenedsakura on October 4th, 2006 05:19 am (UTC)
Yeah, I still don't know where this came from. I could've sworn I was writing a plot to intertwine with this, but I guess it worked out just fine (though, plot, I miss it, which means I guess I'll have to load it all into another fic D: ).

Thanks, and I'm glad you enjoyed it :D
Lucky_Ladybug: queseraserainsaneladybug on October 4th, 2006 10:20 am (UTC)

You most certainly do have Haibara's voice down pat. I love it when people can successfully write in present tense third person, displaying someone's thoughts. This is so beautiful, so poignant ... so Ai. I can easily imagine her being as you've portrayed, finding dark metaphors everywhere, both envying and not envying the Detective Boys.... It's just perfect.
a regular decorated emergency.: Inara - sepiadarkenedsakura on October 4th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
Gotta thank my beta for that - she reminded me how present tense can make one shots so much more powerful, and then I go with that now. Only thing is, now everything I write is in present, so if it should be in past I end up switching around before I go "...oh. Crap, uh, whoops." Geh.

And thank you, I'm glad you liked it and that the Haibara snarking around in my head seems very possible and plausible. XD